Sister 👯‍♀️
I didn’t grow up with my biological sisters, and my relationship with my adopted sisters wasn’t the best. Although I am naturally a sister, I’ve lacked all that’s required to be a sister outside of the genetic requirements. Within the last 3 years, the relationships between the only two of my many sisters that I had a relationship with ended. Now, naturally, with both of these relationships, initially when they ended, I was angry but oddly at peace. More so because unlike every other time we’ve stopped speaking or gone no contact, this was the final time. I’ve always desired the picture-perfect TV relationship or fairytale relationship with my sisters, you know the ones where you tell each other everything and you’re the best of friends! Ultimately, I believe that we could’ve had that type of relationship but life be life’ing…
Having my daughters has made me realize how much of the friendship my sisters and I were robbed of from the very beginning. I see the way my oldest daughter naturally nurtures and embraces her baby sister and the way my youngest daughter melts when her big sister is saying or doing anything genuinely makes my heart smile. It’s more so in the last 2 months of no contact with both of my sisters that I’ve even been able to genuinely pray for them. What do I mean? I mean, before now, I used to go before the Lord concerning them with the prerequisite of our relationship. Who I KNEW them to be from my perspective and my experiences of them and not as the women they are. It was recently that I repented for praying for them out of politics, the politics of these are my sisters, and I’m a believer, so I have to pray for them. That was a hard pill to swallow, not even because it’s the truth but because it made me realize that even the way I navigated the relationships was from a preconceived notion of experience that was political.
I am always the very first to admit that I have not always been the sweetness to everyone’s life and that, for some, I have been the pit of toxicity. Arguably, I was that for one sister while the other was that for me and vice versa. How often does taking the blame really happen? Baby, when it comes to my sisters, I have come to realize that I was the problem, and just as unsafe as they were for me I was for them, especially emotionally. I used to say to one of my sisters, “I pray my daughters never have the type of relationship we have.” And she’d always assure me they wouldn’t. I don’t know if she ever knew exactly what I was referring to or if at the time, I even realized what I was referring to but I do know that now more than ever I meant the inability to genuinely love each other without bias.
I realized that a lot of my friendships, especially with other women, didn’t work, and although the cracks and differences existed in those relationships, a very wild reality that I had to face was that my relationship with other women couldn’t thrive in a “sisterhood” authentically if my relationship with my sisters was fraudulently forged. Now although this is MY TRUTH, I’m going to hold your hand while I say this, if you are someone who doesn’t seem to be able to maintain healthy relationships with other women and you have sisters you may need to evaluate your relationship with them and heal that to have healthy relationships with other women…
Speaking solely for myself, I didn’t and still don’t know how to love my sisters. In part because I’m still learning how to love myself. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love myself, but just like anyone else who has dealt with trauma and given their life to Christ when the word says, “Therefore, if anyone in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17) beloved I’m still learning, embracing, and accepting that this new me is deserving of peace, love, and HEALTHY relationships. I realized that one of my biggest issues with my relationships with my sisters was that I was always jaded. I understand now that although, at the time, my being jaded was intentionally unintentional I’ve come to terms with the fact that even our defense mechanisms become excuses. Again something I’ve had to repent for. Respectfully I don’t know what sisterhood looks like amongst my sisters and me and if we ever get the chance to experience true sisterhood I pray that we all individually heal and can sharpen each other. (Proverbs 27:7) But even if we never get that chance to do it together it’s become my prayer for all of us that the Lord allows us to experience sisterhood ordained by him for us.
Although a part of me is still healing and mourning the relationship or the lack thereof with my sisters, I am encouraged to nurture and encourage the relationship with my daughters. I am also encouraged to be a good steward of the sisterhood I have been blessed with from sisters in Christ!
Although this wasn’t initially going to be my first blog or a blog at all, I had to be obedient. I pray that you heal and grow the way you should! I love you!
