DON’T! DO IT AFRAID

Church culture has always preached, “Do it afraid, do it scared,” and you know that’s a direct contradiction of the Bible, right?

2 Timothy 1:7

Coming back to New York, there were a few things I was very adamant about not doing. I was not going to do hair anymore, and I was not going to continue any facet of business. I genuinely love doing hair and creating products; but it is a part of me that felt slighted because no matter how hard my hustle or how intentional I was, especially about Cerenity, I always felt overlooked and like I wasn’t supported and a major of it was because I was always doing it afraid.

I’d pray and go crazy writing out my plans. Ensuring details were accurate and precise, and I’d rarely get the outcome I desired. Last year, that shifted. I quite a great job, my first job since becoming a SAHM, and focused on my business. It had its moments, but it was beautiful to experience. Moving back to New York, I STOPPED EVERYTHING. I shipped out the last of my orders that were placed before and during my move and disappeared for a while. Once I had my youngest baby, I told my husband I wanted to dissolve Cerenity… Respectfully, we bless God for a praying man because he immediately shut me down. He told me to take as much time as I needed and seek the Lord before I made any permanent decisions. I’m not even going to hold you I did no such thing… until September. Now, not too much on me. I’m always going to tell on myself before anybody else can, and to be honest with you I didn’t care to hear what the Lord had to say concerning any businesses, in part because I knew my will in those moments was being governed by my emotions and I wasn’t willing to submit to the will the Lord, so baby I left well enough alone and worked my little WFH job and minded my business.

Here’s the thing though no matter how much “minding your business” you may think you are doing, I can guarantee you that when you are not in the will of the Lord he doesn’t have to do much to let you know. Before September I kept getting asked about Respectfully ThePodcast, what’s going on with it, why did I stop, etc. My honest answer was always the same I didn’t know what was going on with it, and I stopped because I wanted to. In the same manner, I’d get questions about doing hair and products. There was always a “Please let me know when you restock, and  I need my hair done.” The way I was playing in people’s faces; a few of my regulars were coming from New England to get their hair done and that was fine but beyond one person in NY who booked me on StyleSeat by accident I was not playing with anybody. If I did your hair, I’d emphasize DONT TELL ANYBODY I DID IT, and if for some reason you happened to be able to book an appointment somewhere with me I promise you it was canceled before you could even think I was going to service you.

It wasn’t until September that I was even in a place to understand that I was in bondage WITH fear. How dare I know that any business the Lord ordains for me is ministry and I’m out here fumbling potential souls for Christ. That’s a wild work that I wasn’t intentionally engaging in, but beloved even partial obedience is disobedience. It wasn’t until September when I genuinely started to feel uncomfortable concerning my businesses that I realized I was afraid, and in arrogance, I remember telling somebody New York doesn’t deserve me.

Who did I think I was? New York doesn’t deserve me is diabolical and that’s how in my emotions and head I was. I was really out here being delusional! How dare I? When in reality I don’t deserve God’s love, his mercy, or his grace but he extends it to me daily!

I was out here doing the most and nothing all at the same time!

When I started to pray about everything business-related, this blog was one of the first things the Lord told me to do, and in the name of doing it “afraid,” I kept starting and stopping. I’d have writer’s block to the point where I’d have fifty-eleven drafts started but just stopped. After about a week of going nowhere but back and forth, I started praying about Cerneity, and as instruction came, I was trying to convince myself that it was okay even if I was afraid and the whole time, I was battling not only the emotional rollercoaster fear was taking me on but also the anxiety that fear was birthing. I had to ask the Lord, “If this is your will, why do I feel like this?” And  2 Timothy 1:7, Psalm 34, specifically Psalm 34:4, and Philippians 4:6-7  became my focal point. How can I say I serve the God that  does not cause me to dwell in fear but be out here screaming from the rooftops “I’M GONNA  DO IT AFRAID”

The level and intent of revelation behind the way the Lord broke that down to me had me not only repenting but denouncing every “prophesy” and covenant I unknowingly came into agreement with concerning any business, project, and or idea the Lord gave me.

We aren’t welcoming confusion, anxiety, desperation, and or chaos into God’s work, especially because he is not the author of confusion. Although this is unfamiliar territory with this new adjustment to walking out and fulfilling my GOD-ORDAINED PURPOSE, I’m not doing it afraid. I’m doing it with the boldness of the Lord, and respectfully I encourage you to do the same! HE WON’T FAIL SO HOW CAN YOU WHEN HE’S ORDERING YOUR STEPS?

I love you!